Cloud

Rising like the mist 

My fear take a place

Above that far fetched cloud

The winter balls fall

And engulfs the entire place

Breath and body

Are so cold of the winter's intentions

So cold, that every cold thing shivers in return

And I , whose fear just left 

Is numb to realize

That the cold something, abandoned me

A war so cold , between my fear and self.

It's all over .

Something will stay, something will leave.

Back

My break thankfully ends.
The reason I took this break was , I had started blogging something that I am strictly against - Blogging personal.
So I took my time out to know - Is what I think right for me ? Or am I imposing something over myself? Have I always wanted to write personal ? A yes or a no? The answer came NO !
So this post is for every one who blogs personal .

So much good in this world. The internet advances and everyone can have a page of their own. A page to express their views on something. But then the entire world turned personal suddenly , when people started to take their blog posts as yet another personal diary entry. For two years as the editor of my college magazine I tried and encourage the blog culture there. Some good people responded fast, the other good ones did not. So much good again . Vidhi started with her amazing poems (http://feelingsemotionsperceptions.blogspot.com/) and Diksha blogged Fashion and Journalism here (http://audereagereauferre.blogspot.com/). Two people , who should blog, because they are so good at writing. Also there were some others who always came up with love poems. The entries on their blogs were brimmed with love, so much that their beau might just choke and die !
I started blogging with my poems. Till college I could always find stuff to go on and on, but then it decreased and this was the cause of my worry. From the beginning itself, I had Mohit(http://hereismohit.blogspot.com/) via whom I came across Tanuj (http://dotcommedtanuj.blogspot.com/) , Chandan (http://somewhereinsidearyan.blogspot.com/) and then Kunal too (http://random-renditions.blogspot.com/) . They have always been my inspiration.
Lately I have come across a few bloggers who write both personal and fiction ( I thought to count myself in this category). But then I gave this thought a halt and hence took a break for the analysis. The analysis is, I never took to blogging because I wanted to write a memoir here. It's a blog, so bloody public. Not my diary(not that I write one) , not my story, not about my meetings with people or the community I live in. Once in a while , it's okay. It's okay to let the world know of your little joys and your limited pains. But I say, why the entire story ? Why your entire life ?
I am a very shy and closed person, I never tell anyone whom ,I have never met , anything apart from my opinion about something that they have asked me. Why should I? They don't know me , and will straight away judge me by my virtual words! Every thing that you read here , is fiction and should be fiction.
Why do you think your blog is another book in the making? Has Chetan Bhagat taken a toll on you?

I came across a very silly life story today , and I realized why I could not find words in my Jagjit Singh post (which you will no longer find on my blog) . Because I never wanted to post about his death. It's my personal music choice.
Anyway, the story was utterly disgusting , with all the wrong stuff. Such misguiding stuff. Write about issues that would make a change , or write fiction. Why write for page hits ? Why write a diary ? How much thrilled people feel in being revealed !
Such open stories that I can tell their ABCD. And all this for getting known ?  I feel no thrill in knowing someone whose life is a public page and there is nothing more to him/her than just that one page! He/She is not a deeper person, not a thinker , he/she has nothing which only I as a friend can know.

 If only you know, how beautiful it is to know someone actually , you will never commit such a crime.
Of course you are a gregarious person and you like to make friends. But then open your story to be fetched , caught and suffocated with fake appreciations ? Talk to people in person , get to know them better , but why place every such meeting on a blog ?
I am averse to this idea of a blog replacing a personal diary.

I think the best way to know yourself , is through your eyes. Your words are so important , pen them down in your diary , for introspection. Not on any blog to misguide someone or reveal your social self !

Blog for a cause or blog for your fiction.

I hereby remove one such post , which was never meant to be posted.

I feel good to back here. Now that I know , what to avoid ! :)

Ironical , I know , because this post itself is personal. But no more personal posts !

Break !

Hi Reader :)
I'm glad you are here and that you are reading this. It's been long since I've taken a break.So I've decided to take on now.
 My words aren't abiding my thoughts and also the other way round. The poems are lost and random words are clinging here and there. Till I get back to my senses, I bid you goodbye !

See you soon ! Just taking time to shed some fears, get some tan (not really ) and see you right back :)

Lots of love !

Always there!

S

esoteric.dreams@gmail.com 

Rise

Coil around the heart 

Like a bush around the rose

Beaten and lost

Wounded seems the soul

Do not make noise

Trust me, the silence heals

Abandon all you thought was once yours

Heal , jump and fly

Look you are so away from this earth

This is what it takes to rise

Omens

Dark , dreaded , owned omens

Looks like we all have our own

Cats, dogs , cross-roads

Signs and esoteric arrows

People grow old with omens

And omens grow old with people

Omens at times

Strike the disbeliever 

Like an atheist encounters God

Slightly wary , slightly defeated

A moment of shift happens

From disbelief to belief 

From belief to omens

When you find exactly what you need

It brims you with satisfaction when you find something very similar to what you are looking for. I found this somewhere.
I have not written it. But I would want everyone to read and follow . Here it goes -

Don’t give up….One day I decided to quit…I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.“God”, I asked, “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”
His answer surprised me…“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”“Yes”, I replied.“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.I gave them light.I gave them water.The fern quickly grew from the earth.Its brilliant green covered the floor.Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.“In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.But I would not quit.In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I wouldnot quit.” He said.“Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Comparedto the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”He asked me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots”.“I would not quit on the bamboo.I will never quit on you.”“Don’t compare yourself to others.”He said.“The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”“Your time will come”, God said to me.“You will rise high”“How high should I rise?”I asked.“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.“As high as it can?” I questioned.“Yes.” He said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can.”I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.Never, Never, Never Give up.For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.Don’t tell the Lord how big the problem is,tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Silhouettes

"You cannot undo things . Life will give you all sorts of experiences to fret about. You never stop cribbing, life never stops to listen. Fair enough ! Don't you think so? "
So tonight we will discuss life! I thought. After a long day of work, she expects me to talk philosophy at this hour. Yes it is 2am - so called morning. A little early to be called a morning and a little late to be called night. But this is her time , time when she talks to me. I am - 'A'.
I welcome you to her world.

So she talks about her new camera and why she is unable to get a nice sleep. I am to be blamed for everything in this world. So I take the blames. Who will otherwise? I have to. I am meant to. No don't take me casually. I have a very strong point here. If your girl blames you for something, you are responsible. Be it tsunami , oil spills , forecasts , her horoscope ! Damn ! It's only you who does all this to her. Why ? You ask why ? Because you are her world! World is responsible for world-wide events ( I know that sounds lame)
So I sit back and listen to her.
She notices the silhouettes on the wall. The ones cast by the candle. She touches the flame with her long nails. It obviously doesn't hurt that way.
"So you must be thinking I crib a lot" , she said.

Sometimes , I think . She does all these things to revisit the old pages of our story. It has been long since we have been together. It could make her feel that I love her a little less now. As I always say, there are dependencies in love , and love towards some dependencies. She makes sure that what exists between us, is the former one. Dependent in love.

So after playing for a while with the candle, she returns to the question.
"I know you crib a lot, but then I love to solve it all for you" , I said.
She smiles, she believes.
She knows very well , that I do not like the fact that she cribs about small things. She must know I am here. And that I will always be here.
As the sun rises, we take the form of silhouettes, the darkness does not separate us, nor does the light.

She sleeps well , her questions are now answered.