a LaDy By the Side !

This post comes to all the ladies I know... and my self too !! :)

I always say motivation is self..and that's what inspired me to write this one... I have written on human spirits and zeal...and the survivor in us...but never about the lady we all know.. the woman in us...I never wrote on the spirit of a woman.. here it goes.. 

I am me

Magic of a kind

I am addiction in perspective

Music of the mind

I am laughter for the soul

Kindle up a little

I am a death for the mean

Yes I know you are so green

I am pump of the joy

Suffice me with smiles

Trace me on a paper

Pour me in the bottle

I am jump of the reaction

I am the salt and the spice

I am sillier in action

Melted in a smile

I am beautiful in my own ways

Diverse in kind

I am hatred in the crowd

Seed of the jealousy

I am poison and the cure

Trust me I have a legacy

I am silence of the noise

And at times its source

I am catering to whatever

You think you’re close

I can peep into your mind

Often that you would know

I am the lady by your side

Lady that you know, this name on your mind ! ;)

Tomorrow of a kind

a dream of a kind

In the gallows , admist the shadows

I feel the urge to run and stay

I feel the urge to find a way

Another world it is

Esoteric and deep

I want the enough to satisfy somehow

I want the hint to get rid of it now

A pace which goes dictated

Go fast , I cant take it

I want you to perturb me seldom that you do

I want you to know the pain you put through

A belief I’ll sail through

The time is tuff its stated

I want it to vanish the grieves of today

I want it to pinch me with a future, a tomorrow

A step up in the down

A reason of the same

I want to counter the shackles that are there

I want to have some rest for the chase of tomorrow

A wish of a kind

A life in the mind

I want you to curse the poison in there

I want a life , today and tomorrow

Dark As EveR..

28th of April 2010
And I feel weird when I write this ... Its because it was a very unusual night. Or rather morning. It was around 4:15 when my room mate, after giving second thoughts woke me up. And what I heard destroyed my sleep. I heard there was some Black magic stuff right outside the room. Well being a rational person, drifting and paying attention to such thoughts will sound useless , but then I was scared. I am human enough to admit what I feel.
The reason why I felt like sharing this incident is because, there is a lot of strength in darkness. And I realized it today morning . Not only it scared me to the core, but it did others also. What was more scary was that , why on earth would someone play such a prank,if it is. or do such a thing. Intentions seemed misplaced somewhere.
When I ponder about the fears and speculations involved, I laugh at myself for paying heed to such thoughts but then when fear takes over you, and you feel the darkness spill over - just remember, you're as intact as you were, so restore the cool thoughts, and stay the same way .
to fear is human, and to conquer is human too.
have a good night !

And the reason is U ..

So this comes from a song by hoobastank... a very lovely one..atleast I found it so..

Begins and ends in reality...seems straight from heart

And the poem is a reflection of the love I found there ! it either trickles or tortures as I always say...

Subtle is the distance

And strong is the bond

What remains in between

Is the journey taken by all

Tell me one thing you dint say

Or one thing I don’t know

I’ll tell you what is magical

Your  everything I know

I am human to cry with pain

And human to bear it too

I am human to forgive in love

And love beyond the mistake too

Numb is your heart

And mine is paused because of the same

Come close for a while

Things can be together again

I’m a part of the two apart

Help me fall into place

I’m not a perfect person

Neither will I pretend to be

All I need is in simple words

The very love in between you and me

Is everything that needs to be

Its your FaReWell after aLL

To maansi boss ...

A fair night before farewell... not mine.. its yours ...
Fair because it had to occur... afterall its just a four years course.. with 3 years with me...
I am happy and sad... I really dont know how one fills up words for such an occasion...
how someone can let go? how someone can say a goodbye!

trust me ... its not easy... and I'm a very sentimental person...
To cry out wont be the solution

but will make the unbearable myself , a bit bearable for me...

its the last party tomorrow...
and I'm the part of the two who'll go apart ...

do not forget me.... I know ... I'm important... just reminding you !!
:)
love
chotu !!

I feel random tonight...

Well yes there have been clashes and also there has been triumph, but there’s a big question mark on peace! Seldom we fall under circumstances where the world invariably vanishes and refuses to appear in front of our eyes. And apart from the negligence this world shows to us, we are left blindfolded. Like everyone would, I hate this phase too. When I think now what exactly is wrong with me tonight, I come to count people and their names. And then perhaps I think am I really wrong ? or they are ? will they readily take the blame? Or must I impose? Or should I go by the notion “who gives a damn ! “
Suffocated am I enough , yet I know I will survive. The odds are brave and so aren’t the people close enough to cause the required damage. Thank god I feel safe now! After conjecture and contemplation I feel that whatever that was in my mind was because it needed an amusement to avoid the rather disturbing things going on around. For if I had been so keen to look onto them and so carefull about their presence in my tiny mind, I would have considered them before. And I second the phrase that an empty mind is not only a devils abode but a shitty atmosphere to rely on . So i realise that its better not to give a damn. Because one year from now, even that sounds too much. Lets say one or two months from now, the things will vanish from my mind and I will have new people and things filled in. Yes they will suffocate me again, but then do I have a choice? I obviously cannot live without people around, I love them playing mean , dirty , slutty and whatever. But in the end, they are a part of what I give to them, or rather i must say a part of what they think I give to them. What goes around , comes around. And time will tell what comes and goes by mine and their side.
To realise not everyone will be good, in fact most will not be good anymore. They will abuse , irritate , ditch and slaughter your hopes? It’s still not about disappointment. Don’t crib like all the people Ekta kapoor knows. Look around and find a thing that you genuinely want to do at that very moment. Probably you would want calling me. I am all here till you want. Till the lights turn off again, I will think if this randomness has an end. The next morning perhaps would promise more sunshine and clarity in thoughts. I need it just like you.

Dedicated to all the thoughts ignored !! I would love tackling you , but you just don’t go by my ways. Till you fall in love with me and my peace and agree to go by my ways, I’ll be waiting ...
I love and hate you equally ! :P

AmAn And AdIL

Brotherhood seldom crosses violence , it has weight...and comes in all ages...
I was a spectator, to their actions, and now I am a voice of their love. Aman and adil , two brothers, in identical dress, skinny and lean and together. Just when I reached and was siting at the bus stand on one of the chairs, they gave a careless glance at me and went on with their play. Perhaps they were playing who behaves more well, outside the house. So they were following instructions their mom gave them in anger. “sit here” she shouted . They preferred the floor unlike me, and took their place on the ground without any complains about their preferences. She came with a sack full of bottles , as it seemed from the noise that sack made . And told them “take care of this, I’ll return in a moment! “
Aman was elder. He pulled Adil’s arm and dragged him above on the stack. He placed him carefully there . As carefully as a muslim would place Quran. His concern for Adil was evident from what he was doing. He was in every alternate second looking at Adil, if he is fine, if he is feeling uneasy in siting because of the height of the huge sack, his everything was Adil’s movements. Their mother and father came with a set of luggage for them to board onto the bus. His father climbed up the back ladder of the bus to board the luggage there. It seemed mostly what I would call trash. I wondered why they are transporting trash from one place to another. Adil and Aman too fragile to contribute, to my surprise, were contributing. All the while her mother was facing difficulty in lifting the luggage to handle it to their father. Adil jumped and pushed the luggage as if it was a balloon . just to help her toil less. To help her stressed forehead get some relief. Aman on the other hand was busy helping Adil balance his moves. And also was taking care of Adil’s cough. He kept giving him water at regular intervals.
While her mother was shouting at Adil to keep off the luggage and let her manage, Adil looked innocently and jumped a few baby steps and again tried to help. As all the luggage eventually got loaded , Adil started coughing incessantly. Aman rushed at the ugly water cooler to fetch some water in his broken bottle and returned back to see Adil coughing blood. He got scared. Not to see the blood, but to see his brother in pain. He felt a sharp pin piercing him. He tore a part of his vest that was identical to that of Adil’s and wiped his mouth. Their mother was patting on his back and shouting for aid to the ignorant crowd. I rushed to the crowd of spectators that surrounded the family. He was not fine, and so was not his brother.
Adil stoped coughing as he stoped breathing. His mother felt numb, motionless under my eyes. I checked Adil’s pulse and told them it has stopped, and saw aman run somewhere. While his mother and father were in tears and wrapped up adil beside them, I was searching for Aman to see if he’s alright. Aman came running into the crowd pushing them away ,still not shouting and wailing, with a sack. This time and empty one. But large enough to gulp Adil. Aman wiped the tear on his cheek and pretended to be strong. He managed to raise his voice to audible levels and said, “ this is important , we need to take this along with the bottles also “
His mother saw Aman falling speechless after his decision to preserve his brother. His motive to move on keeping the things that mattered the most. Trying to make an effort of not letting life change under his dear brother's absence. An effort of not letting Adil think, that Aman did not wait till he wakes up again.
Hopes in childhood often counters the reality which we realise as we grow up. And having someone who shares your childhood is someone very precious. A person that remind you of your best days, at your worst times . Its very important to preserve people, the bonds and the memories.

you are still here

Manika was an adult now. Her definition of adult was constructed from the fact that “ you grow into an adult when you make money of your own..when you are self dependent “

And she preached it too often to her friends and her juniors in college. She had the most lucrative degree, was an engineer. Successfully graduated from a premier institute. She was very happy about the four years getting over. Being a friendly person she made a lot of contacts during her college life. Some dear , some very dear. But she somehow lost interest in them when she entered the corporate world. No one had expected this turn of fate, but she gambled well with emotions, and thought, and moved on .

It was her first day of her joining the company. Very elated of the fact she got ready very well, just as she used to get in her college parties, touched up her introduction lines, like she did while she entered college, got some information of the who’s who of company..same as she did before entering the college, and wondered, has it moved on?

It was her night shift, and she got a call. She picked up, it was an unknown number. “hello...hello....hello...is any body there?? “

And no one responded. She could make out its someone very close to her. She crosschecked with all her previous contacts on her email list. But then all in vain. She found nothing.

With days passing by she got more and more busy with her new life. Clubbing , projects , training.. it came all too much and too well also. She was enjoying every bit of it. but felt empty at times when she thought of her old days. Some thing lingered about her past. She still wasn’t away being away. The only thing she came across every single day was a call at night..just like she had on the day of her joining. She sometimes picked it..sometimes yelled on the silent listener and sometimes just dint bother to consider it ringing. Out of inquisitiveness she even made friends with all the boys there  who oogled her, just to check if they are the ones calling. It wasn’t the case either.

She lived in a PG with her professional subordinates . one day she was all alone in the flat watching TV. And came her favourite programme Dance India Dance ...and she immediately scanned for a number in her cell phone to give a missed call, only to realise she’s not where she still thinks to be.

Later one night, she was fast asleep when her roommate came and knocked the door. She shouted from the door “chotu wait I’m coming” and ran to open the door...only to realise she wasn’t the one she had expected to be. She was not overworked. But she knew what was missing. The calls at night did continue all through. And she used to think ...what does it take to stay connected?

An year passed so on and she decided to leave her job for the sake of further studies.  It was again a night shift. And an email pop up came. The mail read

“ I used to knock at your door every night till an year ago...meanwhile this year I just had the option to call and check whether you have slept or not..not to talk...coz I know you had decided to move on..but just to make each day complete. Neither a day passed at that time without you, nor does it now.

Now even I’m out of college. The doors haven’t dreaded me so much...never have I been so obsessed with a room number.

I still miss you boss. Lots of chit chats due...

Yours

Chatter box “

Come As U aRe...

This is one title I found on some other blog...It somehow caught my attention....and kept catching it...I feel obsessed with the word you !! ...thats quite funny....that lady writes amazing and her words...though very few that she uses...deliver some kind of a story in themselves.....i dont want to try and be like her...but i do want to write on this title...here it goes....ive a widow in my mind as i write it ...so YOU may now read on.... :)


come as you are
the winds are racing through my hair
I stand closed near the open window
open up some pieces of my closed fate from above

I gathered the courage to race through the time
they said it wont be easy without you
come as something that gives them no words
come as a rise...I'm falling apart

I ask Him at times why me ?
He says its a testing span crossing by
be my shelter through these roads..
come as a way..a new way to life...

I had troubles facing the adversities alone...
lonely was expected ...helpless was worst...
come as a song that makes me falls asleep
I'm tired of counting the shooting stars...

I dont need you because I can't survive
I need you to stop others from nagging me all the time
come as you are...come as you were
come as something never taken apart...

hold the RaiNs...

hold the rains in your palms..
let them not slip through time...
I see the clouds falling apart...
and they gather storm as they unwind

let the partitions stich in the sky..
they'll damage my world I knw..
I know I cant hold much of the drops..
but how do I let them fall

I shiver with the chill of pain they spread..
let the sun shine in width...
I need some warmth of this falling sky
tired of helpless drops falling by

I need some shelter for them ..
to drop and drip by a safe side..
to me and to u this sky is new..
it has mended moments many a times....

they'll slip thru my hands..
slip thru my life..
holding them in vain..
they 'll slip thru my eyes..

hold the rains in ur palms tonight...