Solo tales - Gift from Paris

My boss is a wonderful person. He is just the kind of leader I want to be. Having spent 1.5 years in corporate I have been one of the lucky employees who received absolute fast tack growth. Getting rotated to various verticals in a very short span of time. Helluva journey for me. 

Of course all this had a lot of costs involved. My opportunity cost was mostly sacrificing my personal front. Most of my time beyond office hours goes into my work related issues. This lead to mis-conceptions in personal life and lot of appreciations from boss/ office. I still don't know which one is more important in life.Till today, I was generally happy about how things are.

Today, when my boss returned from Euro Tour, he gave me a special gift. Special because he got gift only for me and none of the other employees in the department. I did not know how to thank this person for giving me first thing to treasure for in life. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. 

My parents, were nevertheless very proud and happy to see picture of my gift. 

When I shared this news with my friends, they gave negative reactions; "All this is OK but why do they make you stay so late", "Fine, but don't work too much you are a female and you need to raise kids in another 2-3 years, don't stress yourself", "You better quit and take a big break".

I felt very disappointed and lonely. It was as if just my parents know how much this means to me and only they are proud & happy of what I am doing. I don't understand if working too much is right or wrong but I certainly understand that this makes me happier and content in life. 

Never felt this lonely in life, just curled in and cried. Bitterness of a male dominated society. 

If you have every discouraged any of your female friends for working too much, please don't do so just because they are females and need to raise kids in future. 

Their career is as important to them as yours and their focus is no different than yours. They don't want to surpass anyone, they just want to make a stand. 

And for God sake, don't play the hipocrisy game.

Too careful.

It is very easy to write about not being able to write. I feel my loss has been the ability to experience. I have denied myself of indulgence. Staying careful was never on my agenda; the way it is now. My independence, my freedom of thought was my indulgence. I was free to dream, take risks, travel far-off and return; for I always knew, there is someone waiting for me at home. Now, I am out of my shell. I stay outside, work like mostly people do, managing my own expenses and staying alone (read staying careful).

I wonder what an impact this small word 'alone' can have. It gifts you vanity of independence from outside but eats you from inside. To the world you are the one encouraging change, attending big meetings, trying to revolutionize bla bla mundane stuff. But at home, it feels like the world has a bigger picture. There is history behind each conversation. At home, you are part of the struggle, you are the myth and the change agent, you are the pages and the ink, you are the reason of someone's effort and persistence and you are their wealth and their priceless possession. 

Life is better now, or was so during my childhood is a wrong question. However, the answer is common; This too shall pass. :) 

XOXO

Saaki

esoteric.dreams@gmail.com