Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The music , plays loud and ofcourse,makes more than what you would call a sound . I was sitting and wondering on whats happening around me. why is there chaos, why cant I see some light and why are people following me , and why are some following my traits, why cant thins stay different, from person to person , why does one need a thing common. Is joining more fun
? is commonality a sign of connetion?
The sound of chaos made me realise that I need to stop that one. Atleast
from piercing my ears. Thoughts and sounds are analogous , they invoke
and provoke you to shout !!
And drive you mad at times, they definatly rob you of all he peace you had. But the question is, why does the music seems maddening a times? because, not everytime you can hear music. they say excess of everything
is bad, and so is of music.
There are times when the abundance of things we love , seem to make life devoid of the other things . the key is stay balanced.
Rock , pop , punk , good , bad...hail and live in the muic of life. It will make you dance all the way ( quite literally ) Choose your choice of music. God played fair and did not give us choice
of days , but he did give us the coice of the music that we can choose on
that days .
I went through some things I recently did, the music was a disaster , but I survived, coz, it was just in my hands how to deal with it .
I deal , and get off , chuck it , and move on . lets take the music as it plays .
say ... let the music play baby !!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Will not attending classes affect you someday, will you miss some whatever people (as the lingo calls them ), will you miss the bitching around and endless gossip hours, the dirty birthday parties, the hearts that were put in and the laughs that came out ? will you ever learn to live, without these memories?
Because the Maggie parties would still go on, but what would change, will be the people partying, the room will still be filled, and still you would dare call it your room ( they say old habits die hard ).
Even now the bathrooms will be empty in early mornings of the dreadful winters, the coffee’s would be gladly welcomed still, but somewhere in your office room and not in the usual mess.
The comments on some bitches would still be passed on by you, but will it be that fun with no one by your side , to laugh and to fight back . when high on fever , will there again be someone , who would help you recover and take you to clinics .
Will the walks down new FET be hated any more or less, when will you feel so eager to have an ice cream , like it feels when served in mess.
When do you next plan to line up for coffee, when next will you roam in corridors , when next will you shout in bathrooms , when will you next plan an event , when next will you see your friends, when next will the word GROUP...mean the closest thing to you in the entire world?
Monday, November 30, 2009
one naughty face
one made to frown
another one full of grace
there were many names I had
and many pepple to choose
I thot I'll mix up wd her well
but she was not my kind
demanding and loose
I wanted smone to grip me tight
the one who fights
yet ends it right
one who would stay when asked to leave
one who would know when my naughty mind beeps
I had the least notion
that I cd click with you
I always knew you were fine
but how come finest of all the ones new?
and then times go on by
I fall more fond of you
our memories and the jokes
right timings and the support
my whole world with time is a part of you
some moments when I have
grudges cz I could not complain
grudges cz you go apart
and then someday come with me again
grudge that I could not say
how much in mean while I missed you
I hated you for being away
and not getting my words through
but now when I look back
and see us smiling togethr
I feel all was meant to happen
some days good,and some better
when these times would end
and I would wish for some new
I dont know if I would get back
some moments here and there with you
for all I can say
for all the tyms I missed
I have met a lot of people
one friend,in one life,thats U
Sunday, November 29, 2009
of expressing my love fr you..
let it be me..let it be you..
and the silence that prevails ...
I have no gaze that could say
all that I feel for you
let eyes be closed
let ur warmth surround...
and the feel in the air...
I look at my hands
and miss the look, when they are into yours
let me b lost
let me be so
and the memories that sail..
I look at the bench at the park
and I miss us siting togethr
let me go further
beyond some dreams
and let me see whats ahead
with u around
I seem soaked in the day that passed
the one that I spent with u
let me stay mad
its all that I am
and let you be surprised
by what that lays
I trust no fate ,that heads me
to a path away from you
let it be me,deciding and designing
our love for sure will find its ways
Friday, November 27, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
If you’re still not getting what I intend to say, I’ll be more precise . Think of legalization of 377 , a widespread debate in a country like ours , still lead to the conclusion , countering the laws of the nature as propagated, that a man and a man or the similar case with the bearers of opposite sex can be together. Choices as I mentioned, no longer depend on morality , being right or wrong . They rather depend on the fact “ do you dare “ . You would ask what is there to be dared about . Its a thing as simple as this, that do you dare to punch in block letter, in your mind, the facts, the activities , the ones divulging from what you could have called hysterical , those like that came up, and those that are yet to. The choice is to let know, that there are certain privileges accustomed to you, and so are you to them, and barring you from them won’t be of any good to anyone. For privacy is always private , and so have become choices.
Not just keeping in mind the 377 ordeal, there have been myriad of this kind , like the talks about marijuana legalization. All come close to the recital that no matter what the perception is, changing the course is now a habit of the game, not just a part of it . Be it indulging in drug intake, lying , having a split personality , indulging in act with someone whom you have know just for that night , a visitor called from laying off a few bucks , all these issues are now a normalized version of lives, some close to you, some far-fetched , but they are. As plain and as simple , there is not just an attempt to break the shackles , its an outrage , one that would continue for years to come, one that won’t rest , for it is termed tranquillity for some.
So whenever you have a doubt about what side to go by and what not, just remember , choices now are personal , say it legalized to be personal . Good , bad , cliché, weird , made up , they are of your own. To keep up on the good side, there needs to be a demarcation and cognizance of what the bad side talks about. The edge as we see, is no longer straight . Nor are any of us, who bragged about it. The edge has grown wicked in its own diverse sense and versions making our path pitching over and our destinies void .
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Confused...don’t be ...
Haven’t you ever heard....oh don’t tell me...this sound...this such a common sound... like the background music of ekta kapoor... come of very situational... ok I’ll not stretch it more...
It comes just before introspection. “ Dum D Dum D Dum “ and here comes the realisation.
You ask what realisation....realisation of doing something you always wanted to do...or something that ached you since ages but you got over it , that very moment...the realisation you just felt blessed...one that makes you feel that life is worth it...or the “ Dum Dhadam “ when u realise that ....shit....u screwed it up....
I have had all of them...say myriad times....
And you ask why am I mentioning it....what difference will it make to you....
Nothing.....no difference....but what if my thoughts change the way you take these realisations as...what if it changes mine too...
I thought this when I just got caught in a fight....with a friend....sometimes....all you want to do is run away... But wait....what’s always more important...the friendship...the ego...nothing ...or something...that kept two people together.... I don’t know... and I might not know....
Realising what lies beneath...dumped...which is layered by so many emotions...anger ...fear.... I wish u had....I wish I had ....I wish....CRAP...
Don’t these emotions have the all time right to pester people ? the ones they govern so fondly....for showering zillion trails and situations...some that rob us of our peace and some that ( sometimes though) give a hint that all’s fine...as if....the silence before the disaster.... they ruin everything we have....or say try and make up things...
I feel they ...if rightly expressed...have an art of saving what you have...rather than destroying them..stay ...gather thoughts...how many you lost in this fight of realisations...that you always would have otherwise wanted..to be with you...this diwali ...mend relations....if not stitch them completely.... do not spoil their built....save them....these are all you would ever need ...
For my friends J
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Hah....u might be wondering why I called it the saga... and I assure I’ll make u believe in my iteration after u go on and read...
And it goes like this...
I get up at 3 in the night or morning ( for the nocturnal people and the incorrigible sleepers , me belonging to the latter category ) and I get ready to board a bus to my lakshmangarh...my college...my not so beloved mody ( I’ve already exaggerated enough ). And I reach the bus stand , board the bus and sleep within five minutes . And the eyes open with the roaring of the bus..the horn that beeped on top of our heads ( that is me and my friends ) . And we found out eventually that we were stuck at the good o famous sikar bus depot . There is something very peculiar about that depot, unlike the delhi and Mumbai ones I have seen, you would either find women and men clad in typical rural attire or you’ll find girls ( but obviously ) going or coming back from mody. And few among the latter mob were we...still sleeping in the bus that just refused to move and inch because of a puncture ...resting one of its tyres peacefully in cow dung...the only thing i noticed when I peeped out of the windows and pushed back myself in after noticing the dhoti-clad men staring at me ....phew...it sucks !
Not briefing it more...we reached the ultimate destination and straight away entered the college gate with the gatekeeper wondering that how can someone be so dedicated as to enter the college gates at 7 : 30 in the morning and that too people that just came out from a jaipur to Bikaner bus ( must have been that only I suppose ). Yes it was indeed miraculous...when the all time late comers enter college at the least expected time at odd morning hours ( they were sufficiently odd for us ). But still we managed to keep our reputation by keeping the let’s chuck this damn thing feel in our hearts....coz even after reaching the college gates we hoped it would get cancelled and we can again board a bus...and go home!!! Yeaiiiee!!! And the plans FAILED !
We reached new fet and in 10 minutes a phone rang informing us that the venue for the much awaited workshop was old fet...tired , sleepy and frustrated of leaving home coz of the workshop ...we caught sight of an auto outside new fet building....and the brains started drooling over the idea of convincing him to drop us...
Who would dare...but we approached....and he agreed...asking us...” aapko pakka haina koi dikkat nahi hogi” ...dikkat ....what trouble will it cause 10 girls to plunge into that poor auto if it saves walking half a kilometre to reach to that god forbidden building... he was overwhelmed by our thank you bhaiyajiiii’s after we reached our destination...
Scene old fet : we see the first benchers of the other batch along with some first- time – noticed people there. We later got to know they were of our batch too...what people...what an identity...and we also sat fearlessly ...throwing our backpacks on the ground...some sleeping with novels in their hands....some not even attempting to pretend...sleeping aimlessly and with brevity what you might call...and that too....right in the middle of the corridors....
What else would you expect rather than girls swarming in and bringing babel along with them... of the tales of gossip girls and super old novels that they read recently...from who is looking sexy these days...from fringing on the talk of the upcoming new moon...to cringing at the flies that rested their butts on them here and there....unassuming after a while...coz the flies were adamant !
With someone very sensible drawing the idea to make a list of all the people that have arrived serially so that there is no fighting for entry into the workshop a list was circulated...we also carried on with our gossips and planning trips to places... that we would never visit...just for fun...for the sake of it! And then arrives the lab assistant after 3 hours of wait....and the girls get up as if some john Abraham has come in a concert...we ( pretty obviously ) ..preferred watching the activists and invoking jokes on the people around...they were a funny lot...!
Then comes the all time supreme and in power fourth year....each one entering the rooms with a confidence....that they have a seat reserved and no can fetch anything they lay hands on ( with due respect to my seniors ) ... I’ve had that look in some people ;) ...and so hopelessly hoping we waited more.... with a final opportunity to enter the lab...and the wondrous watch of the awaited IBM people....we placed ourselves at the first row of the lab...beleaguered by the issue that two people will have to share a seat...the common fear...who would fall when...I chose a slim partner and got seated...the rest is about the technical stuff...which even I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to narrate or not....I haven’t got the credentials that qualify me to do so....the rest goes on...
The hustle life of mody....which rests to gain momentum for the next race !
Moving on and ahead!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Never had this idea that flikers all time around
I've never touched sand with a feel that
A day or so ..it'll be the place i'll sink in
I've never had exceptions that makes me diffrent
yet I've had talents beyond the magic of minds
I've never grown fond of age that falls
But I've made life worth...all the while around
I've had illusions that failed to settled
also had the worst of upsetting realities grabbing me
I've had mistakes I'm addicted to
Also had some to which regrets taller grew
I've had inspiring rages..nd unbreakable bondages
I left no stones unturned..to keep them off my pages
I've had moments of growing low..some of rising high
Some turning sour..some taken on try
I've poisoned my thoughts..just to grow a little sweet
Wicked in ths world...lies chagrin truth beneath
I respite from the knowlege that I need to confess
A life I lead....the life I breathe :)
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Once upon a time there was a couple...a couple as cohesive as any other of its kind ...it might sound so paradoxical to some...but it was a couple...and was together as ever.. and just like the others on the block , they were married...had two kids...whom they loved more than their lives...and both were enjoying their lives together. As time went on they got used to each other. Day by day they got so used to what held within the boundaries of their house, that they forgot what actually bounded them. Confined within the four walls, they laughed , they cried, they did everything they were fond of , except, accept their love for each other. They learnt it all..yet zilch...so void...so in vain . They still went on, struggling through each day that comes by, trying to find another waypoint in the journey, satisfying another ambition , tired , more, still . Just like this fullstop , their lives were ending ( not really ) but they were making money, success , fame ...but nothing yet out of their lives .
Till a day, their saturation came, and they decided to take a day off and go on partying, just like their good old teenage days...when fervour for each other, voice , charm , the silent peek-a-boos , the forbidden dates, the every daffy activity that a teenager does, was successfully executed by them . And then the big night..they got married...and even if I do not make a churning sound its quite evident that all the passion they had vanished. As if poison left the snake , its very essential part .
And so they celebrated, a day off, away from the buzz of phones, pagers, door-bells, unwanted guests, their favourite sitcoms and their fights over their indulgence in them ...any thing and everything . And there they ordered shots of vodka , down one after the other , so many, they any ways lost the count long back. They looked at each other, with eyes full of something they had last seen on their first night...love , indulgence , hope mixed with sleep . It eventually started with abuses, was not even shocking for both of them to cater themselves with the amorous credentials that were being capitulated at them. They loved abusing, just as they loved calling out each others names after each beep word . And after an eventful series with they started commenting together ,like two boys sitting on stairs of any college and chattering about something funny on the ground, about how badly he ogled on the waitress serving their adjacent table. And while making their futuristic stories...they clubbed in most part of their lives...n made it as monotonous as their one was. Done with this part they again looked at each other and smiled, and again, smiled . The wife suddenly had a jolt, she dropped her head on the table, pushed it again hard up, and then blushed. He was ogling at her. And she said...u find me nice?? N he answered negatively. With beady eyes she continued to look, and he prompted in her ears....very nice ! She was glad, as if heard something she has been waiting for, something that caused so much pain, yet was a relief to listen after so many years, so long, a time that touched and wounded their lives...she was proud...this was a thing that it could not change...and she was happy...now laughing... And so did he, seeing her smile...he also joined with the flow...and both laughed a lot...till they realized they were annoying the tables besides them. And then she said, I hate you for taking time to say that, I hate you for all the times you missed that, and I hate you for saying it when you are not in your senses, but I love you when you are not...coz at least then...you are mine. He was touched by her sentiments, though he could not very well understand the hate part, coz his head was spinning, he did get the love part, a part that has always belonged to him . She put her head down, facing him, watching him, laughing on and off, and then said, two or three... after how many shots do you promise to treat me the way you used to before . And he, caressed her head and said, none, n said “ time must stop here, for it is heaven to see u smile after so long , had God been here he would have replaced my water with vodka so that I treat you like this the whole year around , always , but since he’s not here and also since vodka would harm my health and decrease the number of years left with you, I think I’ll manage with a promise, that I’ll be the same, who knows vodka effects the next time or not !! “
And they laughed again, this time, not caring about the tables besides, caring about nothing that was beside, laughing in and out, n reiterating , the three magical words . The security guard had to shut them up....and also escort them out of the bar, for they were drooling over each other...a part most adults loose out...the love they ‘ve had just a few years ago ...
Rarely you’ll find moments where God gives you a chance to be the love in you, to be the kind you were a few years ago, expressive, and a little less egoistic, it does not harm to be good, but it always harms to say silent, when words were all that was expected
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
just when I opened my eyes
I found cheers on my way
all along the road that went by
I had few gudges that I kicked
and few regrets held up close
I let them enter..and so let them go
I knew it was what I chose
I had this person whom I met
while I was travelling life
he said me things I cant forget
he taught me to be mine
I had this feeling long upheld
a thanks confined in my shell
I let it out..and told him so
and all that ensued well
it struck me with some wonderous charm
I had my feet in air
could feel the beats could feel the zeal
I had now lots to flair
something that belonged to me
not the ones that grow old
it was a precious thing to be
of someone of your own
what brought me to you was the road i chose
and so i choose to walk down with you
flawless magic I’ve been through
let me be...so...till I’m there
all by your side...all with you
Sunday, August 2, 2009
And so was I....doing the same thing...other than the usual humdrum college routine..there I was...out in the neighbouring...emerging town of my birth-state Rajasthan...SIKAR...
Let me tell you more about this place...its at a distance of about half an hour from lakshmangarh...my present dwelling that is...and is a small town...not very equipped with everything that someone coming from a city would desire..but everything that is enough for that persons needs...and not greed’s...
And so i was here...to watch a movie...on the eve of friendships day...
But on our way back to hostel..my friend told me a very nice thing that happened with here very recently in the vacations..
Here in my college...as it is an all girls ( for those who aren’t aware of the fact ) .....there comes myriad occasions where I find my friends and me too indulging in an activity that I wasn’t aware of before coming here...called fondly by us...our “photo-sessions”.... you certainly might be wondering what kind of thing did she tell me so that i had to plunge into the intricate details of our personal friendly stuff....so here ...it goes like this....
My friend ..when she was in Jaipur...went to a very famous mall there....full of people ...that could be perhaps the most well to do crowd...or rather I should put it in a way that ....children of parents who are well-heeled....so there she was in her car ...parked on the roadside...enjoying the pulsating music...the ambience....the resemblance that her fate and that of others there showed....this she did not notice perhaps at that time...until something happened... one of the children there....now when i refer to children I’m not referring to the ones that were there to flaunt money , clothes and bla bla... but to those who were there...just like her on the roadside...the difference being she was inside an AC car...enjoying her life ...and they were there... begging..in the scorching heat . so this one child knocked at the window and was begging for a penny...the one that could help him to have some food ...may be that day ...if he manages to collect much..or may be in a next few days... she opened the window and gave him a penny...and he was happy..actually happy...and then a flock gathered there for some more of her money...and since she was in a good mood...she did not buzz them off...but instead...vented some money from her pocket to see them....smile.... then with their gay departure ...she started clicking photos with her friends there...
Elated by the essence of perhaps everything around her....no worries...no needs...no desires...all that was there in her mind was to have fun....but then...one of the girls ...one of that flock...came and asked “didi...ek meri bhi photo khich do....” ..... picked up by her desire....she agreed to her...and did as she said...she made a few poses ...which she must have seen kareena kapoor making in those weirdest of movies...and then...she asked for another favour ... “mere kachre ke dibbe ki bhi leeyo naa”.... fortune made unfortunate...how could this happen...what made God partial?
She....was someone...who belonged to just one thing...and that thing belonged to her... her “kacchre ka dibba” ....her toy...her mate...her kind of fun...her definition of desire...to have a photo clicked of something that was so dear to her....and put amazed by the irony of life...she did as she commanded again....but this time....with a heavy heart...what made her fate ...opposite to ours??? Whats the fault???
Yes....picture coveted...just so similar to my ways...yet so far-fetched from its tenor....in a way... I or you would never be...nor would want anyone else to be ....
Friday, July 31, 2009
It was mystery amidst the sun
It wasn’t the fog that made things unclear
It was nostalgia high on run
For things will change for you and me
But we’ll always miss the abandoned fun
For life will stop by myriad waypoints
Journey was not so beautiful... untill you had come
The next time we meet it will happen so
That names I say...
would have never have been there
And will occur to me
That u have reached far....
from our common place in here
For the distance will never speak
That it wishes to succumb to what was before
And so will the laughs tell
To reach inside within and cure
It was not just a day
When I had you with me
Four years of my life
Ones those which i’ll never see
I fail to understand
What drives time so fast
I wish I was still new
And u were the same senior of past
And even if it would end
I know it well...someday
Things would be the same
You and me...connected....as now at the end of each day
For my dearest maansi boss....
Monday, July 13, 2009
Some denied my existence
I love the ones that were happy
About me being all over the places
Some chiselled me till times unknown
Some were elusive in their opinions
I was deserted by a few that wanted me
To learn to come out of my illusions
Some were demanding enough yet loved me
Some were demanding enough to tire me
But all in one they taught
That only work will work for me
Some were jealous of what I was
Some inspired me to learn more
I’ve nothing against those who did not caress me
For they helped me to become bold
I thank the ones that ditched me
And the ones that aided me to arise
For all of the ones that I’ve ever met
I somehow learnt the most from their disguise
Monday, July 6, 2009
i fear to scribble..
for u cn read inbetween d lines..
i fear to open my eyes..
for u cn read thru my mind..
i fear to potray tat im touched by ur thots..
bt i fear u wd get to knw..
tat wt gets reflected in my actions..
is nthn...but ur shadow..
effects might have other implications in ppl's wrld...
but effect in my case..
is wt wrds cnt define..
nly i witness...
tat im mouldin like sand..
in ur hands ...
Dipped in blood the children cry , enemies wry at what’s in their sight
Ravaging the town , penetrating the terror streets
Walls crashing down ,and homes falling apart indeed
Common man facing the uncommonly terrible phases of life
Conditions made to add to their saddening plight
Anything the city beholds could head away to carnage
A bag, a bin , a cycle or a temple, any place could be their target
They kill, they ruin and then smile at every shed of skin
As rage rises in the minds and frustration pumps in the soul
They feel glad, feel sound, when our hands reach out and helplessly mourn
I’m scared and really frightened, For all those I love and care
As who might know I’ll get to see them, The way I have since I’ve ever known them
They easily whip apart thousands of smiles, and I fear the next could be mine
The innocents are ripped apart and the corrupts hail
Its a reverse way in which these democracies prevail
How do i shout out , i’m longing for help
Where do i need to go, everywhere they welt
All the year round, there is mow down in the towns
Some kill for God, the others live for him
Its courage that we imbibe from him , that helps us stand still
It will fight against the odds and the mind will find a way out
All that we need, is a voice that calls out
Courage will shine out in the blood of an injured when he smiles
Or in the glory of the commandos when they return from the fight
Courage is in the mind of the one who wishes to speak
For he at least thought , about the patriotism he long back preached
It’s we who can mend the tattered hearts and help to join the broken ties
When not just the man, but the entire city cries..
The one who kindles fire
The one who’s spirits never die
I exemplify endless power
Iniquity I always deny
I am not deaf to the clamour power makes
But I’m immune against its clout
I have an agile mind and soul
Vigour that runs throughout
I am as loud as my actions
As silent as my thoughts
Sometimes I crib about things
Sometimes I move and forget about
I am not stuck in the time warp
I am not a rebel towards change
I am not the one who exhibits calvinism
I don’t know how to chisel , but I how to play the game
I am intrepid and incisive
Pugnacious and sometimes raging
I reflect upon things before they reflect upon me
I’m cautious and calculative
I give no space to fate
To ruin my whereabouts
I lay my foot firm
And stand upright on my ground
I will never die
I was carved out to belong to this soil
Its my spirit , herculean and free
And will stay so till ages undefined
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Jst ur gaze...
And move it down...
On my mind...
I checkd intensites move along my spine...
Its freakin crazy ...
Its freaking blizzard...
You are away n im nt fine...
Its not something left unsaid...
Or demons wandering by my side...
Its just what I feel for u...
Im addicted to u day n nyt !