A hello is all I mean

The void ends. I wrote a poem and deleted , Then again wrote and sent it to "A" . "A" is a dear friend and reads all of them. This time though "A" did not respond. 
You wonder if "A" is a male or female ? As long as it has a heart and listens me like my mirror listens to me, I don't think it matters. In the thick of thoughts , I wanted to scribble something today but could not come up with "the thing" that would fill up the void here in heart . *Puff* to heavy a heart for a body , paper and pen only seems to help, and since we belong to the 21st century , I chose blogging . So cool so far !
The hitch was that I wanted something to take me like duck to water . Like trade of a human with a thought . Something worth the value . Then I came across a slant , thanks to Ritika Shandilya . I talk to her after so many months and she makes my day ! (as always) 

Ritika has now made it twice to my blog. Both the times she helped me get rid of the void and gave me something to write on . I feel obliged :)
S loves you :)
So "A" is not Ritika. "A" is "A". 
I ditched to wait for "A"s response. 
What filled the void was -
Quoted -
"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos!" ;)


I miss warm hellos . You do too ? A warm hello to you from me :)So much inhibitions we have imposed upon ourselves that we seldom feel like passing a warm hello . Smiles are a formality . If only you remember , a hello could make a day. Why not tell random people that you care a little ? Oh you would say that you are oh-so-corporate and you keep professional and personal lives separate . Of all the roles that you play my dear, like corporate and professional , do you play human too  ? 
I have seen a lot of humans  say hello. I have also seen corporate people say good morning and lalalala. But it did not have the sunshine of the morning. Why such a void ?
Incredulous , we all are. Then why is shrewdness encrusted ?
Snake skinned humans ? Creepy !

I thought of a lot of people today. Sent them my hellos and apologies for disappearing for a while .

Fact is that the world is round and you can stumble upon any possible stranger  again. So why not say them a hello every time you see them.

They will remember you by - the "X" with a winsome smile.

The newspaper

When I arrived I was panting . Drenched in sweat , the only thing on my mind was to breathe . I stopped for a while before I started another round of my jog. After a few minutes of exercising more I left for home. The next thing in a perfect morning that I wanted to have was a newspaper . A newspaper this time instead of the novel that I was reading. With riots , recession, rupee and the hope of congress getting into action , it becomes routine to arrest a hope yet another day by the reality in my newspaper . Someday the paper might inform me to bid this world goodbye and I will eventually do as it says. I will wait till it gives me hope, another day maybe. Like a parliament session delayed or talks held between my life and death . The talks might turn into a dispute and I could end up in a hospital. But then the irony is, I will still be looking for hope in my paper. Signs that are vital in life - hope , despair , love and envy . Usually decisive and provoking . My hand stretched to hold my wet newspaper. Wet of the pacifying rains. I thought its not a good idea to curse the rains in a desert land , and hence, I chose the adjective pacifying ( though I wanted to curse them for spilling water over my hopes  - my newspaper ) . 

I made tea for myself and approached the balcony of my room. Took the chair and placed the newspaper on the table . Staring it and wishing for a gush of wind to dry the water and revive my damp hopes. Hopes that now lay smudged on the table, waiting to be rinsed. The irony is that water here won't help and what will, is nothing. The tea was discomforting. Biscuits could have helped the others with their tea, but in my case , it was habitual of the rupee, recession and controversies.. I left it after a sip or two. It did not give me a fresh start . Without a worthy newspaper, it didn't feel like a morning. It was dank , I confessed to my paper. For only it could understand my agony towards rain. For the benefit of this desert , I chose to move on with my discomforts. Keeping the curses aside in the hope that the next time it pours , it leaves my paper. Hoping for no more delays in my hope the next time .

Lonely ?

I hate dogs . More than I hate eve teasers . I almost freeze when a dog approaches me. I get shivers by the thought that the dog might bite me then and there or I might have to run a mile for my life .

Around 10 am in the morning is a time for both men , women and dogs (sometimes pigs too, but I am not scared of pigs ) . The hustle-bustle of the city confuses dogs during early office hours . They might feel a part of this race to approach things not done and dreams not met (assuming they have psychological instincts like we humans) . But fear of dogs doesn't stop us from moving . Hence quoting this to myself , I pep up to risk a day with a dog chasing me.

They are not that wild though. But their presence counts. Like the presence of every creature counts. This I realized a few days ago.

The story goes like this
Our locality is haven for a beggar . I assume he likes the people of our colony . Most of them true punjabi's by instinct, give him a lot of food to manage at least two meals a day.

The place where he sits and has his food is visible from my room's window and quite often during lunch hours I notice him  sitting there and talking to himself .
I very easily assumed him to be mentally sick and asked my family to stay away.

Once , I was going somewhere by foot and saw him there at his usual place , blabbering something on his own . Just then , I saw him throwing a bit of his chapati behind . How could he even think of wasting the food thats given to him to save him from starving day and night? As I approached near , I saw he was feeding a crow . And talking to him about the lady who gave him food that day .
Stopped . Smiled . Thought .
And we say we feel lonely sometimes ?
There are times when you cannot reach through people . Take some time off from them . Its better to have people in life at least. They will come soon . Where else will they go ?
I no longer feel awkward when the dog follows me. I assume that he doesn't want me to feel lonely :P

Happy Friendship Day !

Scarlet

Something scarlet
The flower that lies in her hands
The red of his love
The playful orange of his mind
Scarlet like , he always dreams of her

Something scarlet
The blood that rushes in her veins
The red of her anger
The calm orange of her soul
Scarlet like it represents her

Something scarlet
The dupatta the indian lady
veils her head with
The red of her marriage
The orange of her purity
Scarlet like something vital in her life

Something scarlet
The flame that lights up
Multi-faced , bold or brazen
Dim in the absence of someone
The red of her agony
The orange of her smile
Scarlet , like forever , the colour of a woman .

Quoted

Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts. ~Minor White


Its a different world
Inside and outside this wall
And whenever I sneak out
It leaves me seeking self
I am left thinking about
What I am on each side of this wall 
Same or different ?
Real or unreal ?
Myself or not ?

Living or not ?

To existence !

Everything requires appreciation . The most important thing which perhaps must be appreciated daily is existence . I am here , on my desk , I can write and tell you what all is on my mind , I appreciate your presence here and you must appreciate mine . That's the thing about existence . Its a vicious circle of persona and aura ; your effect on the people around you . Its necessary , universal and yet not easily understandable .

The movie “Zindagi milegi na dobara” did not inspire this post so don't judge me before I tell you my story .

I am S . I am a punjabi girl. Yes I have known this for last 21 years and 11 months ( my birthday arrives next month ) but there is a very special thing about this day which I wish to share with all of you.

Its my Grandfather's birthday today . He is the most wise man I have seen . Some of you must be wondering why ? Why my grandfather and why not someone from the TIME magazine's most influential people ? I will let you know why.

In the morning one of his old friends Captain X called to wish him . Both of them are doctors by profession and hence share a lot of common subjects ( not patients ) to talk about . He was elated by the fact that Captain Sir remembered his birthday and hence invited him to the family gathering at our place in the evening. Captain X felt obliged and joined us. My grandfather's birthday is celebrated at our home because he is a simple man . He does not like to go out very much .

The evening arrived and my Buaa(aunt) and her husband were there too. Topicas picked up pace and were ranging from whiskey to movies to old songs and who will sing on this fine evening and to who will not. Everyone in my family (adults) is a doctor . They enjoy music like anything so singing goes hand in hand with every occasion .

My grandfather graced his whiskey today after a long time . He was happy to celebrate his life going hail and hearty . He wanted to sing , hear his daughter sing ( my buaa ) and his son sing ( my dad ) . I was getting the rest of the people soft drinks when I heard my Bua's voice that she believes in the mantra of "kal ho na ho"(tomorrow may never happen)  and likes to live the moment passing by. Everyone joins in with the fact that this was the motto of Zindagi na milegi dobara too. But she denies . She says that it’s not the same. One is about existence and the other about the way you lead your life.

The topic shifted to girls , when she read aloud a text saying , "A girl might never be a queen for his husband but will always remain a princess for his father " . A lot of sentiments jumped here and there and Captain X took the conversation up the sentimental level by singing two lines of a Punjabi song for daughters .

My grandmother being a  very emotional person ( I have never seen someone so emotional ) started crying. She is certainly very attached to me and my buaa and hence  the song triggered her . Just when she was wiping her tears my grandfather cracked a joke to which she laughed and stopped crying . "CHEERS! " was what he next said.

The cake was cut and the Birthday song , one version after the other ,  sung by all of us. The most amazing part was that he was singing the song himself too , inspiring creation of versions and then clapped after the entire epic series ended . He relished the cake , asked for more . He even discussed that Winston Churchill was a great man and enjoyed getting drunk .

I have seen people grow old and become gloomy , irritating and giving up on life . I am extremely happy that this is not the case with anyone in my family. They are very much young at heart . My grandmother even gossips with me about my friends and their boy  friends and I love the way she warns me not to have one .

I wish the same for everyone  . May they drink like a fish and stay spirited .

In the mean time the theme of bollywood movies will keep hitting this idea . Zip your moments always.

" maine har shaam par chaand ka intzaar kia hai...aur har subh suraj ki talaash ki haii ..
  mujhe pata hai hawaon ko thikana maloom hai mera...
  unhe pata hai maine zindagi mei har cheez ko ibaadat samjha hai
  jaise mai hi shaam aur wo ubhartaa suraj hu
  jo apni duniya m roshni bharta hai "

This entry is a part of the contest at BlogAdda.com in association with imlee.com




Soliloquy

Sole controversy of reasons
A raid of questions , behest self
It doesn't cease , unyielding
It enters a maze , or mind
Or maybe heart
The best place where this entire turmoil sinks
Will be where life is a muse
And words are the saviour

A soliloquy is all that sets
Wind beneath your wings

Perceptions

Perceptions are stiff

Like impenitent words

Too vocal to surrender 

Too real to veil

Truth struggles with perception 

A fatal , redundant battle for truth

For perceptions seek self

And self resorts to perceptions

wHiM ...

When she was all he needed , she was love.

When he was needed , he was , everything but love .

He was distance , notions and reasons .

Where love then ? 

A question of existence , who will decide who is right?

When night today pours his dream on her

She will watch him for the last time 

For he doesn't dream her by his side

She is a whim adrift , assuming love to be here and there .

FeTTeRED ..

I write 

And I erase

Like the wind takes away

Some stationary clouds 

And their existence

Without leaving a trail

Unlike the erased words

Which choke after being erased

Still murmur after 

I remove them from my page

I struggle to puke my thoughts

Maybe they don't need this air 

Maybe they feel shy

Maybe they leave some of their friends inside

Inside a closed soul 

How will they sound perfect then ?

The fettered erased words 

Neither written , nor erased .