To love , lies , Etc

Rudra was wondering what can work . Silently puffing his ciggarttes one after the other , ash making a sort of ant house on the floor and the remains lined up like scattered trains on a railway station. He was thinking about the station only, where he met Naina4 years ago. She was late for her train and would have almost missed it had Rudra not held her hand and help her run along. She was slow , in every work , in every phase of life . Rudra was fast. And this was the only thing that was opposite . Naina was very talkitive . She could charm all the uncle's , aunty's , bhaiya ji's and no matter what , she had her say in the end . She needs what she needs , and the world had spoiled her even more. The world had all this while given her whatever she wanted .

Things began to change and they became wonderful friends . Too often friendship becomes a necessity . Solitude is plenty and appreciated , but loneliness is killing. None of them was sure whether it was love or not. But they were sure that it will be very hard to find a companion , who will be able to share something better with them . Hence they decided to marry .

Like every new couple they were happy . But now . Rudra was wondering whether their story will end in a few days . He was reading a novel earlier, a story of how eternal love is and how it changes things for good . He saw Naina sleeping , and wondered if all this is true.

Naina was bold , audacious but slow , cute and slow in her work. Because her beautiful eyes made the world move around the sun , she was used to attention. The aura of her kajal and smile was overwhelming. And Rudra fell for it. It was only today , that he felt out of this centripetal force.

Rudra always knew Naina kept secrets . She wasn't a perfect lover , one that would say yes to a yes , no for a no. Never. Naina was on her own. Her independence was what Rudra loved , hence never questioned. She made decisions which were normally to be discussed between a couple , but she never did . Rudra respected and gave her all the space . Today Rudra hated himself for his every effort.

Naina was a liar. Rudra read her diary and got to know every moment's real version. The child that Naina said was cute , was not cute in her diary . The saree that Rudra gifted her , was not good enough in her diary . She did not enjoy at  the place where they place where they went for honeymoon and she lied about her pregnancy too.

He was so drowned in the circle of lies that his love seemed far from reality. Everything right in her world was wrong.

When you fall in love , it is your second life. You are born new , you begin to morph, all for good . But when you suffer a defeat in love , it gets bitter than death . May be , for Rudra , this was the same time .

Naina woke up and saw Rudra with her diary . "So you have read it all? " , she said .
Rudra nods .

Naina thought it was the time to confess , truths, lies and beyond. Naina told Rudra that she was a psycopathic  liar. When she met Rudra , she noticed when they talk , she does not lie , not even compulsively. Her habit leaves her , her world becomes true , correct and pure . Rudra was her panacea . But her habit takes a toll on her , and she compulsively writes all the lies every night in her diary.

Rudra did not understand whom to believe - a pschopathic writer or talker .
She told Rudra truths about him , his habits , his mistakes and what she feels about them.

Rudra knew that this is someone whom he has always loved and this is the only truth that matters for both of them.

Love was always beyond truths ,  theirs was beyond lies too . To love ,lies , etc ....your ways are beyond conscience and mind .

:) (:

Some day , I will get myself tatooed . 

Distinct remarkable traits of the soul beneath this flesh .

Someday will find words :)

This picture

When I last came to see you , I was a little young. Not that I have grown old now , I was closer to you dear moment. I now feel , a little away. Commotion resides , the car blows the horn , an eveteaser whistles , the roadside baby cries , all this happens for a while till the sun sets. For a moment the world accepts this darkness . What next ? It moves on .

They all interupt me in remebering what that moment was about . It seems like a far fetched dream now , slowly trying to sound real , with me trying with all my strength to do the same.

Yes , it was winters , this season . Late evening , we all were tired , cold but very happy . Togetherness was striking . An year after , we all are at measurable distances , distances that do not drive friends away . I remember you saying , let's have a cup of tea . Isn't it still the same ? The need of a winter evening . Don't you remember me , with every cup of 'Chai' :)

Feather

Tales brewing with coffee.

Muse adjusted in paper and mind.

Your fall is not because of gravity.

And neither is your rise . 

Similarities .

Yesterday I met " A " . "A" is ambitious and professional . He is not like me , but is not very different either .
A lot of things are common between people  that are mean and people that are mild . I wonder then why is the "bridge of differences" so elaborated and talked about, where as if you see, the similarities are everything that matter when you connect with someone . He also has some dreams that sound silly to me . Some dreams picked from ashes that never found their way to the sky . Does that make him happy ? Yes . He has lived those dreams no matter what and he is happy . Does it make me happy ? I too have also lost my dreams on my way up , it makes me happy I was brave enough to carry them . He wears spectacles , he cannot see much without them . He can vaguely identify me as me , but identifying friends is not only about his clear vision. I also wear spectacles . I can identify him with vision and without vision . Does that make me better ? No . Do you ever mistake while identifying your mother , father or brother ? No. It's within. It never separates. "A" is shrewd at times . While I take my time to figure out a perfect sentence that can calm a shrewd person , I indulge in another thought. Where is this bitterness leading ? Leading to a short life span ? May be . But then a lot of sugar is harmful too. Paranoid , the world is paranoid . So much fear you see. I see , "A" sees . "A" also tries to be good sometimes and help people over come this paranoid trend. Does it make him less paranoid ? Yes . Does it make me less paranoid ? Yes . I hear stories of how his lift man worked extra hours while he was busy with his project to serve him coffee , tea and chit chat about his wife and kids in between . "A" makes friends with everyone . Does it make me friendly ? Yes I learn a lot . So we together conclude that no two people are different . We all have had ice creams in childhood and danced like the worst dancer ever, learnt to take a leap , learnt to fear , to go back , to forgive and forget. We are experts in being human . Does it make me more human ? Yes .
So the next time you meet someone whom you find weird - freakish - not so sober . Get to know more of him  . Get to know why . And get to know the similarities , it will help.
If you can understand the difference between the sun and the moon , you can certainly understand what is common between them ..

Do you smile ?

These days , I encounter smiles . Funny , responsive , teaser smiles . The ones that know how you would react to them. Reaction is assumed to be a shy , in awe smile. Then suddenly someone shoots a smile wrapped in anger . Catch it with the train of apology smiles. Anger for anger can spread hatred like forest fire . Some smiles are intently captured in Facebook pictures . They rather look superficial. Like a balloon taken to be a moon . They speak of moments intended to satisfy vanity . Now tell me , since when has vanity taken the place of smiles ? Smiles - are only the ones that snuggle you with yourself .
Snuggle , smile , do anything , but get it right .

We have all done this crime , taken vanity to be a smile . :)

No monosyllables

The aura of repetition

Monosyllables that are no more single.

The isolated alphabets stuck in the epiglottis

She uses - sometimes never.

Sometimes always .

Like a fat Punjabi aunt running to kiss a child

The "u" of "I love you"

The "e" of "me"

The "w" of "awe"

The "a" of "wao"

are all different forms of irritation and affection

Such widely known 

Repulsively repetitive . 

Avoid girls ! Just try and avoid!

:)

Long way !

There something belongs
Something settles
A fight . The noise . The peace . The dust

There something passes me
Like something meant only for my eyes
Strikes heart , seems strong.
A waterfall . A place of silence.

There something abandons me
I return to my single self.
A long ride . A little music
The long way taken . Really long .

Skyline

I notice the traffic and it's signature on the road from a fourteen story building . The road shines in the reflection of cars and is dim lighted where there is a mob moving around. The sound does not reach my ears , but I can sense the chaos . Yes , it is overwhelming and alarming.

A rickshaw man tries to adjust himself along with his rickshaw in the crowd. The vehicles play their routine zigzag . I wonder when will they give up . The skyline is also  changed . It seems annoyed. For no one now watches the sun while it sets or the colour that the skyline takes in late evening hours. 

The thing is that, a lot of things like the skyline are annoyed. I can sense the chaos . Yes , it is overwhelming and alarming .

Afterglow

Draupadi thought that may be this is the end of her secret . A secret which only the pandavas and her mother knows. The reality will seemingly lead everyone to distress . She knew that everyone here is waiting for Duryodhan to remove her attire and dramatize nudity . Could this be the first time a woman of her age fear her birth mark being revealed rather than being raped ? She calmed down to gauge the hideousness of the mark . It covered a large area of her pelvic bone towards the right of her torso. None of the pandavas were comfortable with this mole except Yudhishthir. He was the only one to confront her from front while making love, while the others used a different route. Long routes to circumvent the little parts that demean your beauty . Have men always been so moved by body than by soul ? Indeed , hideous, she thought. Nevertheless , it was not about men . She had to agree, her Yudhishthir was uneasy. She welcomed Duryodhan like a night, a night so dark and defeating.  Will this be called the fate of her beauty ?

Later in the afterglow of a Jugnu she thanked Krishna for His might and bid good bye to the night that kept the secret as it is.

Afterglow, yes afterglow .