LoSt N FoUnD

Its a story very close to my heart...I feel there are always a bunch of intimate things...not literally though...but yes..its a story ...
Once upon a time there was a couple...a couple as cohesive as any other of its kind ...it might sound so paradoxical to some...but it was a couple...and was together as ever.. and just like the others on the block , they were married...had two kids...whom they loved more than their lives...and both were enjoying their lives together. As time went on they got used to each other. Day by day they got so used to what held within the boundaries of their house, that they forgot what actually bounded them. Confined within the four walls, they laughed , they cried, they did everything they were fond of , except, accept their love for each other. They learnt it all..yet zilch...so void...so in vain . They still went on, struggling through each day that comes by, trying to find another waypoint in the journey, satisfying another ambition , tired , more, still . Just like this fullstop , their lives were ending ( not really ) but they were making money, success , fame ...but nothing yet out of their lives .

Till a day, their saturation came, and they decided to take a day off and go on partying, just like their good old teenage days...when fervour for each other, voice , charm , the silent peek-a-boos , the forbidden dates, the every daffy activity that a teenager does, was successfully executed by them . And then the big night..they got married...and even if I do not make a churning sound its quite evident that all the passion they had vanished. As if poison left the snake , its very essential part .

And so they celebrated, a day off, away from the buzz of phones, pagers, door-bells, unwanted guests, their favourite sitcoms and their fights over their indulgence in them ...any thing and everything . And there they ordered shots of vodka , down one after the other , so many, they any ways lost the count long back. They looked at each other, with eyes full of something they had last seen on their first night...love , indulgence , hope mixed with sleep . It eventually started with abuses, was not even shocking for both of them to cater themselves with the amorous credentials that were being capitulated at them. They loved abusing, just as they loved calling out each others names after each beep word . And after an eventful series with they started commenting together ,like two boys sitting on stairs of any college and chattering about something funny on the ground, about how badly he ogled on the waitress serving their adjacent table. And while making their futuristic stories...they clubbed in most part of their lives...n made it as monotonous as their one was. Done with this part they again looked at each other and smiled, and again, smiled . The wife suddenly had a jolt, she dropped her head on the table, pushed it again hard up, and then blushed. He was ogling at her. And she said...u find me nice?? N he answered negatively. With beady eyes she continued to look, and he prompted in her ears....very nice ! She was glad, as if heard something she has been waiting for, something that caused so much pain, yet was a relief to listen after so many years, so long, a time that touched and wounded their lives...she was proud...this was a thing that it could not change...and she was happy...now laughing... And so did he, seeing her smile...he also joined with the flow...and both laughed a lot...till they realized they were annoying the tables besides them. And then she said, I hate you for taking time to say that, I hate you for all the times you missed that, and I hate you for saying it when you are not in your senses, but I love you when you are not...coz at least then...you are mine. He was touched by her sentiments, though he could not very well understand the hate part, coz his head was spinning, he did get the love part, a part that has always belonged to him . She put her head down, facing him, watching him, laughing on and off, and then said, two or three... after how many shots do you promise to treat me the way you used to before . And he, caressed her head and said, none, n said “ time must stop here, for it is heaven to see u smile after so long , had God been here he would have replaced my water with vodka so that I treat you like this the whole year around , always , but since he’s not here and also since vodka would harm my health and decrease the number of years left with you, I think I’ll manage with a promise, that I’ll be the same, who knows vodka effects the next time or not !! “
And they laughed again, this time, not caring about the tables besides, caring about nothing that was beside, laughing in and out, n reiterating , the three magical words . The security guard had to shut them up....and also escort them out of the bar, for they were drooling over each other...a part most adults loose out...the love they ‘ve had just a few years ago ...
Rarely you’ll find moments where God gives you a chance to be the love in you, to be the kind you were a few years ago, expressive, and a little less egoistic, it does not harm to be good, but it always harms to say silent, when words were all that was expected 

On the road called life

Far asleep on a day
just when I opened my eyes
I found cheers on my way
all along the road that went by

I had few gudges that I kicked
and few regrets held up close
I let them enter..and so let them go
I knew it was what I chose

I had this person whom I met
while I was travelling life
he said me things I cant forget
he taught me to be mine

I had this feeling long upheld
a thanks confined in my shell
I let it out..and told him so
and all that ensued well

it struck me with some wonderous charm
I had my feet in air
could feel the beats could feel the zeal
I had now lots to flair

something that belonged to me
not the ones that grow old
it was a precious thing to be
of someone of your own

what brought me to you was the road i chose
and so i choose to walk down with you
flawless magic I’ve been through
let me be...so...till I’m there
all by your side...all with you

Picture coveted

Yes...it is the FRIENDSHIPS DAY....a day when all love to spend with their beloved friends....
And so was I....doing the same thing...other than the usual humdrum college routine..there I was...out in the neighbouring...emerging town of my birth-state Rajasthan...SIKAR...
Let me tell you more about this place...its at a distance of about half an hour from lakshmangarh...my present dwelling that is...and is a small town...not very equipped with everything that someone coming from a city would desire..but everything that is enough for that persons needs...and not greed’s...
And so i was here...to watch a movie...on the eve of friendships day...
But on our way back to hostel..my friend told me a very nice thing that happened with here very recently in the vacations..
Here in my college...as it is an all girls ( for those who aren’t aware of the fact ) .....there comes myriad occasions where I find my friends and me too indulging in an activity that I wasn’t aware of before coming here...called fondly by us...our “photo-sessions”.... you certainly might be wondering what kind of thing did she tell me so that i had to plunge into the intricate details of our personal friendly stuff....so here ...it goes like this....
My friend ..when she was in Jaipur...went to a very famous mall there....full of people ...that could be perhaps the most well to do crowd...or rather I should put it in a way that ....children of parents who are well-heeled....so there she was in her car ...parked on the roadside...enjoying the pulsating music...the ambience....the resemblance that her fate and that of others there showed....this she did not notice perhaps at that time...until something happened... one of the children there....now when i refer to children I’m not referring to the ones that were there to flaunt money , clothes and bla bla... but to those who were there...just like her on the roadside...the difference being she was inside an AC car...enjoying her life ...and they were there... begging..in the scorching heat . so this one child knocked at the window and was begging for a penny...the one that could help him to have some food ...may be that day ...if he manages to collect much..or may be in a next few days... she opened the window and gave him a penny...and he was happy..actually happy...and then a flock gathered there for some more of her money...and since she was in a good mood...she did not buzz them off...but instead...vented some money from her pocket to see them....smile.... then with their gay departure ...she started clicking photos with her friends there...
Elated by the essence of perhaps everything around her....no worries...no needs...no desires...all that was there in her mind was to have fun....but then...one of the girls ...one of that flock...came and asked “didi...ek meri bhi photo khich do....” ..... picked up by her desire....she agreed to her...and did as she said...she made a few poses ...which she must have seen kareena kapoor making in those weirdest of movies...and then...she asked for another favour ... “mere kachre ke dibbe ki bhi leeyo naa”.... fortune made unfortunate...how could this happen...what made God partial?
She....was someone...who belonged to just one thing...and that thing belonged to her... her “kacchre ka dibba” ....her toy...her mate...her kind of fun...her definition of desire...to have a photo clicked of something that was so dear to her....and put amazed by the irony of life...she did as she commanded again....but this time....with a heavy heart...what made her fate ...opposite to ours??? Whats the fault???
Yes....picture coveted...just so similar to my ways...yet so far-fetched from its tenor....in a way... I or you would never be...nor would want anyone else to be ....

I WiSh I wAs StiLL nEw....

Its not the dream that enchanted
It was mystery amidst the sun
It wasn’t the fog that made things unclear
It was nostalgia high on run

For things will change for you and me
But we’ll always miss the abandoned fun
For life will stop by myriad waypoints
Journey was not so beautiful... untill you had come

The next time we meet it will happen so
That names I say...
would have never have been there
And will occur to me
That u have reached far....
from our common place in here

For the distance will never speak
That it wishes to succumb to what was before
And so will the laughs tell
To reach inside within and cure

It was not just a day
When I had you with me
Four years of my life
Ones those which i’ll never see

I fail to understand
What drives time so fast
I wish I was still new
And u were the same senior of past

And even if it would end
I know it well...someday
Things would be the same
You and me...connected....as now at the end of each day


For my dearest maansi boss....

Faces

Some faces were mean to my own
Some denied my existence
I love the ones that were happy
About me being all over the places

Some chiselled me till times unknown
Some were elusive in their opinions
I was deserted by a few that wanted me
To learn to come out of my illusions

Some were demanding enough yet loved me
Some were demanding enough to tire me
But all in one they taught
That only work will work for me

Some were jealous of what I was
Some inspired me to learn more
I’ve nothing against those who did not caress me
For they helped me to become bold

I thank the ones that ditched me
And the ones that aided me to arise
For all of the ones that I’ve ever met
I somehow learnt the most from their disguise

fear...

i fear to scribble..

for u cn read inbetween d lines..

i fear to open my eyes..

for u cn read thru my mind..

i fear to potray tat im touched by ur thots..

bt i fear u wd get to knw..

tat wt gets reflected in my actions..

is nthn...but ur shadow..

effects might have other implications in ppl's wrld...

but effect in my case..

is wt wrds cnt define..

nly i witness...

tat im mouldin like sand..

in ur hands ...

city cries

Fragility of life, in the day or night
Dipped in blood the children cry , enemies wry at what’s in their sight
Ravaging the town , penetrating the terror streets
Walls crashing down ,and homes falling apart indeed
Common man facing the uncommonly terrible phases of life
Conditions made to add to their saddening plight
Anything the city beholds could head away to carnage
A bag, a bin , a cycle or a temple, any place could be their target
They kill, they ruin and then smile at every shed of skin
As rage rises in the minds and frustration pumps in the soul
They feel glad, feel sound, when our hands reach out and helplessly mourn
I’m scared and really frightened, For all those I love and care
As who might know I’ll get to see them, The way I have since I’ve ever known them
They easily whip apart thousands of smiles, and I fear the next could be mine
The innocents are ripped apart and the corrupts hail
Its a reverse way in which these democracies prevail
How do i shout out , i’m longing for help
Where do i need to go, everywhere they welt
All the year round, there is mow down in the towns
Some kill for God, the others live for him
Its courage that we imbibe from him , that helps us stand still
It will fight against the odds and the mind will find a way out
All that we need, is a voice that calls out
Courage will shine out in the blood of an injured when he smiles
Or in the glory of the commandos when they return from the fight
Courage is in the mind of the one who wishes to speak
For he at least thought , about the patriotism he long back preached
It’s we who can mend the tattered hearts and help to join the broken ties
When not just the man, but the entire city cries..

now and before...

I MeT sTOneS tHat sPoke
Met AnGels thAt pOkEd
SaW LifE wHiCh kIlleD
sAw sPaCes tAt fiLleD
InTeNsItiEs tAt faDEd
SuNshIne taT sHadOweD
MiSt Tat CleARed
tEnDeRneSs FeArEd
I sAw EveRytHinG iN cOntRadIcTion
Till I mEt U...

I Am

I am....
The one who kindles fire
The one who’s spirits never die
I exemplify endless power
Iniquity I always deny

I am not deaf to the clamour power makes
But I’m immune against its clout
I have an agile mind and soul
Vigour that runs throughout

I am as loud as my actions
As silent as my thoughts
Sometimes I crib about things
Sometimes I move and forget about

I am not stuck in the time warp
I am not a rebel towards change
I am not the one who exhibits calvinism
I don’t know how to chisel , but I how to play the game

I am intrepid and incisive
Pugnacious and sometimes raging
I reflect upon things before they reflect upon me
I’m cautious and calculative

I give no space to fate
To ruin my whereabouts
I lay my foot firm
And stand upright on my ground

I will never die
I was carved out to belong to this soil
Its my spirit , herculean and free
And will stay so till ages undefined

in my thoughts

I thought to chase...

Jst ur gaze...

And move it down...

On my mind...

Leaned forward...

Seemed misplaced...

I checkd intensites move along my spine...

Its freakin crazy ...

Its freaking blizzard...

You are away n im nt fine...

Its not something left unsaid...

Or demons wandering by my side...

Its just what I feel for u...

Im addicted to u day n nyt !