2011 .. :)

 

Flutters every dream

Imprisoned under my name

Flies every suspicion

Of the life I thought was caged

I eye upon destiny

Like rose fears its own thorns

And count upon a God

Like earth counts upon water

I lost my new poem

A name I thought I had

I lost myself , in my own muse

And understood a little , more of my selfish self

I sneaked some moments

Just to gather a fresh start

A start for dreams to sleep upon innocence

And smile like a newborn, awakened by fate

I lay underneath this sky

It disowned this earth sometime back

I wanted to be accepted and float

Like a cloud that floats , and stays only to pour

Like a secret I kept to myself

A little of you , within a shy smile

A shadow that took over a soul

A reality of a crude truth

Sand filled the shore

Music filled the scene

Do I look like a stranger to you my reader ?

I guess am dressed up like a new me

reAliZatIon ?

I am ..


A roasted recipe
Flesh has burnt of desires and ambitions
A curry Indian
Busy mixing in everything that mingles
A virtual killer
Abused some people cunning and rude
A gambler in a dirty game
All I want is every temptation to win
A God's child
Believes in His name
A sullen adult in a phase
Sulks more and more as quarter life crisis approach
A happy walker on the street
Sorrows are blown away like dirt by my broomstick
A big time show off
Loves resembling things that are out of this world
A silent human still alive
For nothing is worth cribbing
A patient learner, and learnt a wise thing today
In the end , It doesn't even matter

AddIcTiOn ..

A brown sugar of its kind

Carefully seduces any upright mind

Details divulge, when the taste takes over

And slowly , the senses it takes over

The window pane is wet

Of the drizzle and the fog

In one cup I store

The heat of sunshine warm

As the aroma fills my soul

With the sip I take

It engulfs my tounge

Beleaguered I am , by its taste

I sniff in, on the edges of the cup

To remove its uncalled traces

It brims me again with addiction

And the unending urge to have 

A hot coffee cup again 

AwaKe anD UnCerTaiN

Its a slow time

Perhaps the veins are tired

I sink into bed

And it humbly takes me in

Awake I am

And uncertain of the same

The cerebrum mourns

It has seemingly turned gray scaled

Tired, are the words 

Of lifting up spirits

I will let the spirit rest tonight

In realms of esoteric dreams

Freedom marks a space

Untouched , unperturbed

But silently vanishes

When you feel uncertain and awake

Eyelids close, like a dream closes in sunrise hue

Falls this night , its a darkness of its kind

Time will fly , and a good time will come

Till then I lie uncertain and awake

Even with closed eyes

BluEpRinTs ...

Every blueprint has its road map

Constructed carefully 

To include every thing that would bring smile

But unpredictable

As this life turns to be

Burns them

To ashes black

Destiny will seduce you with her fake wins

It might push you into the vicious valley of failures

 Caution in one line would be

To avoid mapping blueprints

Paper can always turn into ashes

Will does not, importantly , must not

TodAy ...

I realized ecstasy makes you blind
Habits refuse to leave you
Coffee will stay an addiction
And music will remain the only respite
Words do fail to express
Intentions are always clear to the soul
Just that the heart defies accepting the evil in people
Here somehow lies its purity
And when this very heart plans a revenge
You see the familiar evil
Perceptions keep waiting to get changed
Nothing happens .
Mind is a pathetic master
And heart a cruel saviour
Happiness lies in between them
Sand will slip through your hands
The more you attempt holding it close
Leave everything and release yield to this world
And let it divide you , in its love and its hatred

For peace is something you will never get
Hence , breathe till your heart pumps

rOad ...

The Road forages people , just like unusual people forage the road . Driving depth and insanity , moving in plain search for people and places.
It stops by every person , to whom one might connect . Perhaps to give destiny a chance to chalk out , its companions .
The End , is nowhere close . As it has always been , an esoteric road .

ShE ..

Closed , yes she was

Open , were his arms

Free , was her wish

Entangled , she was still

To a mirror , she disclosed 

As she accepted ,being in his shadows

Everything , she told

Resided in his arms

Emancipated , she was

Caught , were both 

She doubted , every safe corner

Safest , were his arms 

when Love , was perfectly cuddled 

Felt , pure .

clUttEreD ...

Loving red

Loosing my purple

It doesn't enchant me anymore

It doesn't dress my eyes perfectly

I'm riding a tale

Yes , ironical

And finding my words in some other poems

By some anonymous authors

I'm short of worthy words

I'm short of my space 

And my lovely time

Short of everything that brimmed contentment

I breathe  in an unusual chaos

Comes a time , things are inevitable

I need to loose some ends

To find a rotten side of me

One that can mould and survive through 

This rotten time

Closing my eyes wont help much

There is vision urging to get completed

There are dreams to get real

Vivid and weird , personally cared and cured

As I watch people come back

And few go out of sight

I sit , words are cluttered

Awaiting to align themselves, late, this December 

......NexT

Lets cut the thorns

I'm bleeding profusely 

Clear this air

Its choking to death

Let this turmoil settle

The sea needs a calm sleep

I can have a blissful day

Always a riot is not necessary

Lets remove this air of memories old

Discard them , for they return to do no good

Lets have useless day beneath the sun 

Sometime , Its all you need to get back

When things are growing blinding dark  

I can't even trust my shadow to follow 

leave alone sunshine and God

leave alone their omnipresent power

redEmPtiOn

Relieve me from this evil

Of circling in the circles of life

Of the credence in words that aren't true

This intention behind fake eyes

Free me of this duty

Of foraging for right or wrong

I'm living in depths of a morass

I know this trick , and this maze entirely

Suffice me with a lie

If you cannot pour out the truth

Its anyways my journey

And I know you can do nothing , but mislead

When I see you near me 

 I just wish I find redemption 

from your ubiquitous evil side 

SigNs

I don't actually believe in posting narratives, but sometimes you feel such things that you want people to know. My last post Fallen Gods was pure fiction. Very contrary to its title, I am a God fearing person and though not so religious, but still full of invisible faith. At times I grow partial in my worship, at times worship ,just by the name God. Also I do believe that he gives you signs of paths, the ones you need to choose , when you are sad . I am usually a very happy person, adamant in my choices and hence happy in my ways. But there have been somethings lately that I too felt distressed about, some regrets on whatever happened. Just when I returned to my hostel this evening carrying a bad news, and nothing positive besides me(something that rarely happens ) , I was blown away by the number of signs He was giving to me. Happiness comes in messages , in myriad ways , saying I need to realize all thats prior. I think work or studies and everything else that you do , becomes of very little importance when you do not feel like yourself. It's worse than a stranger husband, worse than a hostile pet and worse than your mirror wiping your trace . But then you should count on the signs that come to you sooner or later. When you feel disheartened , think nothing. Its better to stay like a blank paper. That accepts writing only in genuine ink. The ink will show you the things meant to be concerned for. If the cause of your worry does not lie into this list, then leave it completely . He has some other plan. I'm not trying to lecture , but certainly trying to make you believe, that when you're not happy, God gives you reasons to choose a path for yourself, which is the best possible solution . But you cannot see these signs when you are tensed. That is why, grow blank. The ink will surely write a success story. And make both ink and the paper, entwined in belief . I know its very difficult to be calm, but whats wrong in staying calm , if you'll get to find a solution ,and that too guided by Him.
The day when you'll feel connected, you'll realize , how futile are your worries and how blessed are you to be having more than you want.
This video is one of the signs he gave me -
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=133988293320830&oid=128967727138780&comments

pocket full of sunshine
might loose its rays
there are dark clouds haunting you
But He always promises a way

Feeling blessed
Sakshi

QuOted ..

Soul receives from soul that knowledge, 

therefore not by book nor from tongue.

If knowledge of mysteries come after emptiness of mind, 

that is illumination of heart. 

~Rumi

I spent a long time understanding what he was trying to say through these lines. Perhaps , the sole reason why people connect for long , be friends  and  narrate their thoughts , casting people into their world  and rating them into categories of close , closer and closest . Or this could be the reason you found me , existing , struggling , communicating , my thought about this quote, to you , whom I found likewise the same way .

Yes knowledge of mysteries comes form emptiness of mind , when its relaxed and assuming tranquility of its own kind and will pour out its own way , via heart , through worthy words .

People get from people , desire , love , peace , company , hatred , nostalgia and everything that keeps them busy for sometime . Till they fall back to silence to realize , who has been there and should be there . And prepare a list of people wanted and unwanted , and again repeat the process above .

only if your heart has been illuminated , you can realize what light is to this journey of life .

StReeTS........

Before I breathe
I would like you to know
I am living in the reflections 
The memory 
in its entirety 
is yet to be lived again 


I will cross your street again 
to see you a little older 
a little lost and careful 
to see how you have been 
from where I left 
till where I caught 


The negatives of pictures
Still smell strong
Of something that remains
I will come again
To see you across the lamp-post
Are they correct
Or they are , just stale negatives


I will collect some flowers
I know you would love them
From a street ,As you always like
To bring the same smile
Back on your serene face


What I lost in these streets 
Was a friend I loved the most
And I'm happy around the corner
I saw a lady cleaning the streets
And it reminded me
Of the dirt I still hold 


Was just living reflections
When I thought to live a memory again 

ThE FaLL ..

Falls the summer , into the winters arms

Carefully ceases its warmth and sunshine

To summon the next season

Yields it's magic into the winters charm

The fall of the sun as its sunshine

Of the ice as its , cold water

Of the dew , as the awaited drop

Of the leaves , as if made for the ground

The fall of people , in truth

The fall in faith , in the vicious lie

The fall of the night after dawn

The fall of human, after its mortal life

Bends every leaf , to kiss the ground

When the autumn falls , are by your side

Dresses the earth in all the hues I know

Falls the spring, leaving the grey's behind

Falls the white , and disappears to black

Falls my eyelids , upon a shy smile

Falls above the God , the earthy reasons sometimes

Falls His take as a fact  , He's taken a myth at times

Falls every rise , to rise again and fall 

Falls every notion , to morph according to the changing time

StiLL in fiRe ...

As the night surrounded 

I rapidly lit up your face

Like sunlight dresses the earth

And spread the warmth around

In this cold , breezy night

It was dark , the fire was apt

Peeking through the dark 

And making some parts of the picture yellow

The campfire burnt like my desires

bold red at times, at times pale in pleasure

I saw your smile pulsating the fire

I don't know where what melted

The time was still lit up

So was your face

So was the fire

I felt still in fire

Inside and outside 

All around

Such , dear , happens when you're around !

PeOplE

Across his earlobes I could see
People and places , moulds and traces

carefully sketched their intricacies
They rejoiced in meanings , worldly it seemed

I caught a man lying on phone
Infidelity rubbed his dim face

And saw a woman vying for peace
trying so hard to wait in this chase

Life was hard on the one at the bench
A tear dropped trickled on his knee

And a baby endlessly cried
His grown up representation smiling at me

And a humble rockstar observing
His guitar , its strings, strumming endlessly

The chin down on right
released some smoke

And she took the footpath
the road wasn't free

The road wasn't like perhaps
what these people wanted

so they were enjoying being human
enjoying the unlucky journey

Some people , beautiful in imperfection .

ThaT tHinG aBouT WrIterS

And I was asked to interview him. How as a child I always wanted to have a glimpse of his demeanor . He was and still is my favourite writer. The connection isn't esoteric , unlike the other things in life. I like his words , and the way he veils some , and says a lot, more than one can decipher. He forages the readers mind and hits exactly on the subject that would excite them. And in my case, I'm simply dumbstruck by his language!

He had a subtle hint of youth on his face, making him more attractive than those of his age. Attraction has different weird laws, those which are culpable to ruin hearts and brain , mine was just normal, I'm usually not used to being attached.

Nevertheless that was not the topic of concern. I had to focus on this interview . Its the only thing that pays .

And he lit up his cigar carefully, and with dreamy eyes overlooked my presence, while I watched him like a puppy wailing for attention. And after , I suppose, pondering upon each and every thing in our vicinity , he noticed I was there to interview him. Felt like euphoria (sorry for exaggerating). 

My heart doubled the beat , while he smiled, and said " Yeah . Lets start "

I wondered is the thing I'll next do as exotic as his gesture, but never mind, I'll begin, the time of my life .

" Sir , How did you decide to enter this field ?  I mean writing was a scarcely populated profession in India while you must have decided to take it up. Din't the other professions lure you ? "

He passed me a humble glimpse, and said " Never . I'm not lured by things tangible by instinct . I always believed there's a power in some selective people of this world , by which they rule minds of the rest of the people. I wanted   such clout . And so here I am. I love Bryan Adams by the way . Do you ? "

What was that !!

" ofcourse I do sir. He's epic ! "

He passed a smile again. This time, an unadjustable one.

Ohkay .. So I'll move to my next question .

" Sir do you believe in legends ? "

He dreamily looked away from me, as if I drifted him into some other world, and with a meaningful smile , spoke

" If only men were immortal , I would have believed in legends. They die along with the people who took them as legends. There's nothing like legends "

Deep thought. Burp !

" Sir are you a liar or you stick to the veracity of words "

He : " I'm human. Thats all I've known till now. And you my girl, must change this categorical chase. What fits in , is always out of this world ;) "

I like the my girl and the bonus wink . And it all made me profusely blush!

" Sir ... "

" Call me Riyaan "

:D

I think he'll add me on Facebook now !!

" Sure Riyaan. what according to you is growing old ? "

" Just like old times and memories, age also learns to wither . For good or for bad, I certainly want to witness an age of obvious oblivion. No one would then at least blame me for the things I forget. I can be choosy in remembering  with wish and will "

I looked at my diary on which I was writing his answers . I wanted to know which one of them will count as answers anyway . 

I resumed .

" Riyaan , Whats Love ? "

Riyaan submerged his eyelids into each other. His face looked beautiful as if carved after taking time, carved after giving love.

And then he took a long breath and said.

" someone will adore the air I breathe , and understand my silent arcs and my consequent lust . Love will be unsaid, just in her eyes and floating freely in my heart "

I took time to understand his words . They were indeed lovely .

" So you believe in silent love ? "

" Yes. Whats spoken is for mere pleasure . I just failed to define it. How can someone love and define too ? "

I was in awe of his words. How can some things, as mere as words, make you feel brimmed with things beyond your understanding ? 

I asked again , this time, out of curiosity , " So you are in love ? "

Though I would feel a pang of jealousy if he says yes , but my boss might get happy if I get a straight answer to this one .

He smiled. Me too . And said , " Till I'm not done with the definition of love , I can't get close to it. I guess I'll take my own time figuring things out. "

And I took it to be a no. 

" ok Riyaan. Thank you for all this time. I am enlightened by your presence. Hope your next book comes out soon. We're desperately waiting !! " and wondered if I'm sounding fake after my last line.

And he , just smiled, and said " Thank you "

While on my way back I wondered what pleasure it gives people like Riyaan to play with words. Its not like playing with someones mind . But more like playing with your own mind and soul, everytime looking for what you would want , what you have always wanted. And airing them in a way , that your words, no matter how crisp , rude or vulgar , will be adored.

Power will stay in their hands. I feel like the pawn . 

And he did add me on facebook !

:D

P.S - This was pure fiction ! :)

BeyOnd ..

There will be no land thereafter 

some years , in some ages

A wandering soul will exist 

Tempted to still , find a land

It would alter things , tangible and intangible

The senses wont work, the touch will not affect

No one dies alone

They take people , places and hearts along

And somehow their memories get sharper

And they are loved beyond the spaces they filled

They are cherished in beady eyes

And with striking love

They are remembered in depth 

like a desired dream

still vivid  six feet under

still breathing in reminiscence

still , ironically , alive  

MuSe

In silence I move
from my senses to your gleam
And realize what is life now
and what has it always been
I conjure upon thoughts
the ones that will make you mine again
Yes there's a person called God
and with you I feel divine in name
Pardon me of all the rough land
I made you wander through
I just love to see you going
and coming back to my life again
The way you muster about me
secures me in your thoughts again
I feel smitten by a habit
of loving the silence with you
The world takes my words for granted
I'm never sure I'm accepted
And you decipher even the slightest grins
the love of my silence, the end of pain
There will always be a silence
which will convey itself in worthy words
There will always be a part of me
that will love being a muse for the silence to come again
Its the same crescendo in silence
as its in love , as its in life

Of LitTle PuRpoSe ..

Recently I spent the entire night working on 150 words . I never thought in my life that I would fall short of words. Taking into account the verbose person I am , I could not write one statement of purpose . To all those who don't know the reason why I had to do it , its because of the MBA entrance forms that require it. 
Read some forums at pagalguy. The site is hell useful ! I would love to have a chance to meet one of them personally and let them know , what a cool job they are on !
I thought I would find an appropriate line to begin, but I could not. I was too sleepy to infuse in the quotes, after reading which someone might straight away get a hint that its there just to continue the blah blah !


I finally managed the first paragraph , and send it to one of my friends. And he made me edit it all. 
The irony of the night was this one line of my SOP 
"Being the Editor of my college magazine for the past two years has helped me to gain rich experience in  team building and also to extract my potential as a leader."
Being the editor of my college magazine for the past two years did not teach me how to write a perfect SOP.
Moreover I felt amazed of the fact that someone else is editing my work (not used to it :P )
Its a very different way of selling yourself. Market is sold to the man, but before that man to the market . Somewhere inside I did not like this. Seemed like a sell yourself out show. Being a simple person , I like things to come out in a better sophisticated way . I wonder what these people will do of the Lakhs of SOP's that they will receive.
For the clueless and lost person that I've become lately , I just did not know what do I want , and how will that institute help me. I wonder if they know how exactly they will help me ?
For all they help they can do mine , and I did theirs , I'm not satisfied with this human rating business . Something needs to be done , a statement of purpose will not be as real as the words in it. They surely need to be put to some other good use .
With no quote I ended my SOP. They'll buy me if I'm good enough, lest I can wait for my ratings to go high .


P.S this post was without any purpose !
Thanks for reading

ReMiniScence

It was a beautiful page , of memories , blurred by time
Which I made at times, precious and rare

It was a paraphernalia , of things that mattered
flowers that were not old , smelling of the past , still alive in happiness

It was a night of a sudden farewell , and a promise to meet down the journey
For destiny was young and unknown , all that was known was friendship

It was a note of my diary , I always wanted you to read
Because somethings in life , are always a reminiscence
And that too , named as serendipity !

When I rammed into your doors my dear friends
I found love , life and myriad memories !

AbSoluTely AwAy

There's a cost of disappearing
You loose the bound of the string that connected you to the world before
And the inertia of solitude at times tempts you
To stay in the space , away from the earthy gravity

There is also a cost of appearing
You surrender like a celebrity to the mob
And they pull the silence out of you
And stuff in the clamour again

After some time , you feel as if the space was better
And recursively keep yielding to it , and coming to this magnetic earth

Tonight I feel absolutely away
Near to an esoteric alien !
Entangled still , but above the gravity
And loving this freedom from it

WiLderNesS ....

And the yellow light poured down
in certain intervals
at certain places
To calm down the instinct of this place
The one with wildness as well as solace
Treading breeze lived these silent spaces
accompanied by seasons known and unknown
And tall dark trees gazed upon the existence
Of a heaven on earth
Named as wilderness

NoThing ...

I curl up near nothingness

And try to sum up my differences here

I want to fight with these words

They envisage so easily what are wants 

What I do call , fears

Everything might not get enough ears

So I try and enclose it , into one word called nothing

Also I do fear getting disclosed

Am I open enough ? Am I worth knowing ?

I surrender under this urge 

To gather again and resume

From no one , to new

new to me , new to you

And the silence takes over

The best part , it sinks in slow

It sips in like unwanted love

I wish it knew , I'm not to be owned

Its sublime peace was desired

Its rented separation was not

Free me of this trap of words

Let me pen down in parts 

the verse of a bereft silence 

Devil's eye...

And she wore all hues of a carefully designed devil
adoring it like the purest cloak
She did not retort being hated for her sins
Nor cared about her perishing purity
All she knew , was that there was a 'like' devil
who conspired and took her goodness all away
Discarded she felt , when the white turned black
And the earth repudiated her golden grace

She decided to win over the world by her now immortal rage
Another devil she was ,  some other devil's made

There was no reason for me ,to have faith in her thorned heart
Till she came close , and I found a guilty pearl
In the corner of her eyes

Blurred by confession , visible because of pain

DePenDencies !

And he wanted to say , the words that she would always want to hear.
He knew he has had a million chances before, but he wanted to happen this time.
He gauged his surroundings , more to check can he actually see anything despite her now a days ?

And in vain he smiled , and said a few worthy words.
She smiled and said , " you have to answer this one , to make me yours forever "

He agreed . Yielded again .

She asked , " There are dependencies in love , and love towards certain dependencies . Which one of them do you think you belong ? "


Came close, she ignored .

He smiled . This time not in vain 

Whispered  , " I always thought I'm in love with a dependency , your presence was something that I was dependent on , until it affected me right now, when you ignored my presence.  "

She smiled . As someone stolen!

Of LifE anD liEs aNd BeTwEen tHe LiNes ..

Of life and lies and between the lines only
tales pampered and truths mocked
the bubble bursts when veracity mounts
a hypnotic vision of sand castles only

Of a black and a white scaled always grey
cheated in quotes , cheated in prayers
the people , less true and in abundance faux
a fair play , a play only

Of tranquil easy in sudden sins only
like the smoke ruffles , he enjoys solely
and toys around with the rings
as if circling his entire city

Of purity , peace and wisdom
widely read in books, told in every page
and no faith in its clout
breathing deceptions only

Of an unfaithful God’s child
remembers Him , when places get undefined
measures in power, if He makes his game
gulps its pleasures , thereafter himself only

Of living on the edge , again after falling
fear that takes over , keeps timely mourning
late comes the courage and then he realizes
its never in his hands written , its mind’s only

Of a rowdy crowd that pushes people behind
and some sneak into any depths to reach the zenith
ponder over what’s a win
its after all a real world, with realistic wins, not virtual only

Of virtues and morals ,immortals that were
confines only to the pages of the stories
She said they will take one a long way
the way is still long , but people take shortcuts only

Of love , living and bitter betrayals
choose all of the If’s wisely !
for a picture might not be perfect
but its the one in your hand, only

Of the memories and remembrance these pictures have
They come alive at some pensive moments
bring to you some left past
some adored present still , stolen from time only

Of life , its lies and its truths
the entire story , in just words
Its all that I have to give it to you
All that I call mine, only !